


Sins Of The Flesh

by agirlnamedtruth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Masturbation, Orgasm Delay/Denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 17:18:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlnamedtruth/pseuds/agirlnamedtruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel doesn't let himself feel lust, not willingly. When it gets the better of him, Jimmy takes advantage of it. </p><p>(Castiel/Jimmy, background Castiel/Meg).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sins Of The Flesh

Castiel didn’t claim to understand human needs any more than he understood their emotions, but after thousands of years of watching, he was far from naive. It was apparent to him that except for the needs required to stay alive, everything else was an attempt to gain sexual gratification. As a younger Angel, this had baffled him; he had never felt any need or even any desire for any form of gratification that wasn’t given freely by Heaven.

When he had taken his first vessel, he had to be tutored in how to suppress their appetites as it was not the Angel’s job to indulge them. They had to be kept pure, lest the being inside become curious, form doubts.

To begin with it was easy, push a vessel past fatal limits of hunger, thirst or sleep deprivation and they will soon forget they ever felt them. But there were ones that weren’t that easily ignored. They couldn’t be out waited because they weren’t always there. The Host had aptly named them the Seven Deadly Sins; Castiel had never thought an epitaph more fitting. The worst of these being, of course, lust. It’d come and go like a tide, each time the waves getting bigger until he was driven mad and fled the flesh he was borrowing, scared of how strongly and strangely it felt.

The next vessel he tried was female; he’d spent a long time watching them and was relieved to see that they didn’t fall into such mindless obsession over pleasure. They held themselves with dignity and grace, never acknowledging such an act existed until their wedding nights and even then, only because it was required of them. That was a time when he had been very naive, for women were the same on the inside, only they beared their burden in silence. He decided female vessels were even more difficult to control; he lacked the skill to balance their hormones and found himself just as scared by them. The first time she had menstruated, he’d presumed the vessel’s body was dying and that’s he’d caused it somehow. He gave her back her body, apologising and promising her a place beside the Lord, only for her to laugh and told him she wasn’t planning to be with Him any time soon. He never took a woman as a vessel again.

When he sought advice, some brothers suggested children while others suggested eunuchs. He disliked the thought of asking something so sacrificial of a child, and as the centuries past, it became difficult to find eunuchs suitable. They became the servants of queens or precious singers, not like the faithful followers like they used to be. A few of his brothers winked at him and suggested he let the vessel do as it wants in that aspect and enjoy the free ride. The very idea made him feel unclean.

So he learnt to repress the urge every time he entered a vessel, even before repressing the need for food and sleep. He learnt not to put himself into situations where the body may fight back against the mind. Every time that happened, he’d desert the vessel, still scared of that lack of control.

So when Dean asked him, a thousand years later what he wanted on his last night alive, sex was far from his mind. But Dean had brought it up and he hadn’t reacted quickly enough or more likely he’d reacted too honestly. Dean discovered his secret, not that it was really a secret, more of an unexamined fact. He’d decided to personally remedy it and dragged Castiel into what he thought must be Hell itself. He was less scared of facing Raphael than he was of any prostitute. He somehow managed to leave that place unscathed.

Jimmy Novak was easy to manage. He was a good, God fearing man. He was married. His mind didn’t often stray from Castiel’s goals. Any time his thoughts did stray, they turned to his wife. Castiel would roughly remind him that no thought went unheard by the Angel. He was easily turned off, like a light bulb.

One day, in a ring of fire, in a empty building, in a deserted town, his escape relied on a demon. She didn’t assist him, not knowingly. Instead she was a bridge, literally, to get him away from the flames. She was unclean; Castiel could see it like dirt on her skin. She teased and flirted, presuming that would sway him like it would any other man. Her words affected herself more than they could him. He was frustrated, trapped inside a body that was making him feel even more so. His skin felt damp because of the heat of the fire. He longed to stretch his wings, to scream but the first was impossible and the latter futile.

“We’re going to Heaven, Clarence.” She leant against the wall, the fire making light dance in her eyes. 

The body betrayed him, battering down the mind’s protests; he couldn’t and wouldn’t succumb to base desires that weren’t even his. 

_Jimmy, what would you wife say?_ he whispered to the human that was sharing his imprisonment.

 _I feel nothing for her but revolution and so should you, she’s a demon._ he spat back. They hadn’t shared a polite word since Castiel had forced his way back into him months ago.

That shut Castiel up. He’d never felt anything that wasn’t second-hand from the human he was in. He forced Jimmy down and the desire too, along with the fear that followed it. He turned it into anger and tormented the demon with words until she rose to the bait and he could capture her.

He caught her in his arms and tried to smite her. He failed, possibly because of the fire still surrounding him or possibly because of the few millimetres separating them was more elevated in his thoughts that it should have been. He let her talk; barely hearing her words, eyes glancing from the small space between them, to the way her mouth was hanging open after laughing, back up to her eyes which dared him to do something about it. He pulled together every molecule of himself and turned the hollow feeling in his gut into violence, flinging her down onto the fire and walking over her. It had taken an inordinate amount of killing whatever filth he could get his hands on before he felt normal again.

Suffering through that had lessened the effect lust had on him. He could cope better now that he’d survived through the feeling first hand. In a wood cabin, between battles, he turned on the tv, not caring to help with research after the threats that had been recently been made. A film designed to incite lust and indulgence came on. He wasn’t affected by it but his curiosity into the social interactions of humanity was piqued. 

“If the pizzaman truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?”

 _Because that’s what happens in films like this._ Jimmy said, somewhere far away. 

_This is meant to be arousing?_

“Perhaps she’s done something wrong.” He said out loud, an image of Meg flashing through his mind. Despite his intentions to hurt her, he remembered how the situation had stirred more lust than anger.

Dean said something and he vaguely replied, not really paying attention. His body betrayed him again and somewhere deep down, he could tell Jimmy found his suffering pleasing. He was getting weaker.

Of course, it didn’t get better after that. He was lead outside and almost like his thoughts had summoned her, there was Meg. Her flirts were bitten back with insults to which she took as encouragement. He dug his nails into the palms of his hands because he wasn’t sure what they would do of their own accord if he didn’t.

She kept pushing him, despite their danger, until she was prepared to throw herself on the sword. She pressed herself to him, her hand sliding under his coat while her kiss shut down every other impulse he had. She pulled away and he blinked. Half a second passed before the one impulse he had left kicked in. That base impulse that he promised himself he would never have. He pushed her into the wall and poured thousands of years of repression into kissing her. He didn’t care that she tasted of Hell and everything about her should disgust him. All that mattered was the short burst of relief from the hours of torment. When he saw again, very much alive, she was being threatened. She smiled when he glared and fled when she’d thought he’d burned a demon right in front of her. Apparently she remembered how well him, her and fire went hand in hand.

He didn’t say much before leaving Sam and Dean, he’d done his part and he had a war to get back to.

Unusually, it was quiet in Heaven when he returned and everything had an eye of the storm feel to it. He fell down onto a bed he created for himself and put up walls around him. It was very like one of a thousand hotel rooms he’d seen while helping the Winchesters.

He sighed, Angels didn’t sleep but he wished he could leave his own consciousness, just for a while.

_Didn’t you enjoy your first kiss? _Jimmy asked, teasing, knowing everything Castiel was feeling.__

_Of course not._ Castiel said dismissively but his body reacted at the memory.

_I think you enjoyed it a little too much._

_Shut up._

_Did I touch a nerve?_

_If you didn’t shut up, I will rip every nerve out of this body._

Castiel’s temper bubbled inside him, Jimmy had touched every nerve he had and he knew there was no lying to him.

 _I can help._ Jimmy whispered.

_I’m an Angel of the Lord. I do not need your help._

_A way to help yourself then._

_Stop it. I’m above that._

_So you were thinking about it too then._

_It’s a sin._

_Then it can join all your other sins. It’s a long list now, I doubt anyone would care._

_You know that if I were to leave you, that bullet wound would kill you. Instantly._

There were a few minutes silence while Castiel just led still; breathing even though he didn’t have to, just so he had something to focus on. He cursed Jimmy but it was his own threat that kept him from leaving him. Jimmy would die without him and his stomach couldn’t handle that any more than it could the dreadful curling, twisting feeling that it was going through now. His hands itched to move. He longed to flee. He prayed for any distraction, anything at all, even war. None came so eventually he gave in. 

_I’ve never done it before. I don’t know how._

_I do._

Castiel screwed up his eyes, pressing his fingers against them. It felt like every cell in his body was pulling him in different directions. He sighed again and gave up control, letting Jimmy take the reins.

He felt himself sit up. The coat and jacket were pulled off of his shoulders and his fingers unbuttoned his shirt, so that it hung open. He felt his own hips lift so that his pants could be pushed down to his knees. He trailed his fingers over his cock, still trapped in his underwear. It wasn’t enough to make any real difference but it was enough to make Castiel want to punch a wall, if he could. Jimmy paused, one hand propping himself up on the bed and the other resting on his stomach. He led back down again, still waiting for something.

 _Why have you stopped?_ Castiel said from somewhere inside him, trying his best not to sound like he cared.

_Just making sure you’re still with me._

Castiel tried to roll his eyes, forgetting he couldn’t. He was beginning to regret relenting control. What if Jimmy never gave it back?

Castiel stopped thinking when Jimmy finally freed his cock, stroking a few times to let Castiel get used to the sensation. He ran his thumb over the head and then altered the pace of his strokes, speeding them up until he could feel the Angel inside him tense and then slowing them down, denying him. He did this a dozen or so times until Castiel was begging inside his head, pleading with him to stop and screaming for him to keep going at the same time. He felt Castiel shake and shudder inside him and then attempt to kick out when he slowed his hand. Eventually Jimmy decided he had him exactly where he wanted him, at breaking point, in his power.

“You’ve taken everything away from me. I’m not going to lose you too.” He said out loud, his voice ragged from holding himself back as well.

 _I’m sorry._ Castiel said, not even sure what he was saying sorry for. He was pretty sure he’d say anything to end this torment.

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to promise to never leave me.”

 _Never._

Jimmy’s hand slowed until it almost wasn’t moving and Castiel realised he’d said the wrong thing, he’d not been clear enough.

_I mean, I won’t. I promise._

Jimmy smiled and twisted his wrist, making him come instantly. The delayed orgasm burned through hem both like burning white light and Jimmy almost though it was Castiel’s grace or his true form, come to blind him.

When they both came down, Castiel was back in charge of his body. His felt sticky and he suspected it wasn’t just from sweat. The cold air was freezing where he skin wasn’t covered. He was lying of the bare grass of his heaven, everything he’d materialised had disintegrated when he’d let go of everything and lost control. 

But he wasn’t scared of it anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: _Supernatural, Castiel/Jimmy, sins of the flesh_ at http://comment-fic.livejournal.com
> 
>  
> 
> I'm also using this for the prompt 'First' in my Table of Doom at http://writerverse.livejournal.com  
> 


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